The Joys of Inefficiency
Yesterday I found myself doing a thing that is not uncommon for me, but about which I feel a fair amount of embarrassment. So please, let me share it with you! I was picking dead leaves off the ground one by one. With my fingers.
Huh, it doesn’t sound so silly when I write it…
But you might agree that generally people collect dead leaves with tools, such as, I don’t know, rakes? Rather than plucking them gently from their resting places? It’s not that I have anything against rakes. It’s just that these particular leaves are falling on a bed of bark nuggets, so raking isn’t a great option.
I know it’s probably better for my backyard ecosystem to let them molder in situ, but the part of me that likes things to be tidy will not let that stand. But aside from whether or not I’m being mean to the microbes or wasteful of my time and energy, one fact remains: I like doing it.
And since this particular tree (overgrown shrub?) sprinkles leaves all year long, it’s a task I’ve done repeatedly since the rains stopped in May.
I have a very large back yard which I’ve landscaped in a haphazard fashion over the course of the last 18 years. By all rights it should be a showplace, but that’s not really how I roll. It turns out that the parts of gardening I like the most are the parts that are related to cleaning up. I love weeding! I adore pruning. I like nothing better than putting on an audiobook and ridding the yard of leaves and weeds, one by one by one.
I’m also happy to take three trips from the car to the house to unload the groceries. I’ve noticed that my more productive friends generally achieve this in a single mad dash, arms loaded with bags dangling from fingertips.
I revel in inefficiency.
It wasn’t always this way. I’ve been a single parent for most of my childrens’ lives. I could make dinner while overseeing homework and baths and listening to the day’s events. I gassed up the car every Sunday afternoon so I’d never run low during the week. I arranged pickups and playdates and camp and aftercare and all the things it takes to keep kids alive and cared for and generally happy. I got up earlier than I wanted to every morning for years.
And now? I do things at whatever speed feels appropriate. Some days I do just enough to keep myself fed and working. On others I get a lot done. Sometimes I even strive to function at an optimal level. But the thing I love the absolute most about my life is that I get to be as inefficient as I want to be.
Not that I’m always happy with the results. There are times when I berate myself for not being on the ball. But to me, picking up those leaves one by one is akin to a cat stretching in the sun, then lying down with one eye open, lazily scanning the world she knows she rules.