The Great Unfeathering
My 24 year old moved back in with me last fall. I was amazed by the amount of stuff she brought with her - an entire apartment’s worth. I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me. But seriously, I think she may own as many things as I do.
She’s feathering her nest, and I’m desperately trying to get rid of everything I own.
I say ‘desperately’, but of course true desperation would look like that scene in “Leaving Las Vegas”: Nic Cage lighting bonfires, and filling black garbage bags.
Admittedly, my situation is less dire than Cage’s rabidly alcoholic protagonist. I’m more antsy than hopeless. No lit matches over here, but I’ve been paring down, discarding, removing, trashing, and curating. In other words, ruthless decluttering is happening over here.
There’s nothing about minimalism that speaks to me, and I have no moral attitude towards ownership. I’m just ready to let the nest crumble back into a bare framework of sticks. I fantasize about skoolies, open roads, plane tickets.
When I moved to Portland in the early ‘90’s I loved driving by those huge turn of the century American Foursquare houses. I wanted to fill one up with kids, paint the walls a hundred colors, plant an herb garden, and start a dynasty. Not in the Carrington model, but I wanted to create a family that had deep roots.
My own parents left their family homes, my father in particular leaving behind generations of Ontario farmers as well as his parents and sister in Toronto. My sisters and I fled our own small town. I didn’t experience Sunday dinners at my grandparent’s house, or even very regular visits.
As it turned out I didn’t end up in one of those big houses, and once the kids came along I was glad I didn’t have that much interior acreage to maintain. I’ve long since shaken the desire to host the family’s ghosts in attics and long-forgotten steamer trunks.
What is it that makes some of us want to wander? Converted vans, digital nomadism - the internet is full of people who have ditched the sedentary life. But will it be permanent? Seems like after a few years on the road most of them turn their Youtube channels into homesteading how-to’s.
Humans were wandering around for nearly 200,000 years before any of them decided to settle down. So maybe it’s in our DNA to explore, to seek greener pastures. We (they) stopped moving when it helped us survive. And of course once you’ve decided to stay put, you can accumulate stuff.
Call me single-minded, but for me it always comes down to possessions. They make life easier, but they tie you down. I moved so many times when I was young, and usually everything I owned fit in my car. Or at least everything that felt important enough to take with me.
Now my possessions feel like anchors. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super attached to a lot of them! But they’re taking away my choices. So I’m unfeathering this lovely nest of mine. Maybe I’ll end up building a new one and staying somewhere for the rest of my days. But I’ll definitely wander for a while first.